For Every Today & Tomorrow~

If it's still not happening today…then it's just got to be happening tomorrow…

I will just keep believing this for every new today & for every new tomorrow…

For it surely has got to happen some tomorrow…just one of the tomorrows…

Turning Silent~

Lost…

My…

Voice…

Again?!


No…

No no…

No no no…

WAIT!

Not Well~

I'm not sick…
Just in pain…

So in pain…
I can't eat…

So in pain…
I can't sleep…

So in pain…
I can't think…

I'm still sane…
Just in pain…

Can't Sleep To Live~

…when episodes of losing consciousness result in waking with wounds…

…wounds newly & freshly added on top of old wounds split apart again…
…wounds self-inflicted beyond doubt but involuntarily it is beyond doubt…
…wounds so crippling & long-lasting for the entire day…for entire days…
…wounds causing pain so debilitating & insufferable I'd rather be dead…

…when losing consciousness is itself such a high-risk ordeal it's terrifying…

I ask…is there any way to live without sleeping?

Can't Eat To Live~

…when eating is pure torture & I'd really rather die but still have to eat…

I ask…is there any way to live without eating?

Living Without A Voice~

It's Day 12 of absolute muteness…

Counting 12 days without a voice…

So it's been almost 2 weeks now…

Am I going to get my voice back?

Voicelessness 2025~

It's now day 3 of having my voice lost completely…

The last time I lost my voice…was just last April…

So…like what…is it going to be a yearly thing now?

Not Fast~

But the next day could be the last…

But the next wave could be the last…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I trust…that this prolonged ordeal…WILL be a thing of the past~

I trust…that this living hell…WILL SOON…be a thing of the past~

The Third Fever~

It's now the boy's turn to get this…

So that makes him the third one…

& it is already the third day now…

…which should be the final day?

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

So yes…it's the kid's 3rd day of fever…& my Nth day of flu (featuring all symptoms symptom by symptom)…& we're barely 3 days away to our long flight & journey out…

I ask to survive~

Targeted Attacks~

It's voicelessness day 9 for one & high fever day 2 for another…

So now guess for how long more is my voice going to be lost for?

& then guess for how long more is mll going to be burning up for?

Voicelessness~

Lost my voice…completely…gone…again…

Right after I had just regained a little of it?!

Hi Covid - Two Down~

It showed up in the house this week…with two sets of two lines~

& with both parents down…will the kid possibly get away with it?

A Week With HFMD~

After a long week with HFMD…we're finally stepping out of the front door again…

Hand-foot-and-mouth disease…it is the first for all of us under this roof at least…

They had fever & red dots all over…while I felt sick to my stomach…like literally…

Fever Five~

First it was the boy…
…with five days of high fever from Saturday night to Thursday…

Then it was his mother…
…with five days of high fever from Saturday night to Thursday…

…complete with chills…sore throat…blocked nose…cough…appetite loss…muscle aches…lethargy…with no energy to even be in a bad mood or in any mood for anything at all…& with effects lasting so long - not even sure it'll be for how long…

Seriously…what virus is this?!

Oh…the Adenovirus…right…I'll make it a point to remember this…

Swelling With Pus Story~

Said the professional after the X-ray:

It's already cracked…
It's already dead…
It's already infected…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Is it going to be revived?
Is it going to be removed?
Is it going to be replaced?

Not sure how this story will go on from here…but He will be the one writing it~

It's The Nightmare~

& now it's Day 7 - Day 7 of living hell…

It's when the body just feels like it's in hell & is trying to pull the mind down with it~

It's a war…& in the centre of it all in my path is at risk of being collateral damage…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Thankful that I'm not on my own to endure all this by my own strength…but physically crippling torture is still living hell~

Pain Explosion~

It's pain & nausea…
…this combi again…

…the worst there is…

…one I know so well…
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

With the pain worsening the nausea & the nausea worsening the pain…my goal in life right now is to just survive this shit~

For The Last Time~

On the face & on the lips…under the chin & in the inner cheeks…
On the head & in the hair…along the pathways taking in the air…

In the teeth & on the tongue…in the jaws & all around the gums…
In the bones & in the joints…throughout the ribs & on the spine…

The hypersensitivity & the soreness…the pain & the sickness…
The headaches & the muscle aches…the pimples & the ulcers…

The throbbing & the nausea…the clicking & the breathlessness…
The spasms & the restlessness…the exhaustion & the fitfulness…


The flesh bulging red & bursting…the skin outside tearing itself apart & peeling…
With bleeding within & pain upon swallowing…hearing yet not quite fully hearing…

From the nose down to the throat…down to the neck & down to the shoulders…
Further down to the chest & down to the bladder…up to the eyes up to the ears…

Wounds widespread with nowhere spared…with rest not an option for the flesh…
With too much chattering & blurring…the body system involuntarily overworking…

Senses weakening & organs malfunctioning…caving under relentless pressure…
Every state of rest a state of discomfort…feeding is agony & sleeping is torture…

With veins so tight from stretching so thin…breathing itself is energy-consuming…
With symptoms never-relieving…reality is such a fight of endurance never-ending…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

May this war-torn physical being fight for the last time…& gain the victory finally…
Like really…seriously…painfully…may this last time be truly the last time already…

& then again…just for how long more will this hopefully-supposedly last time be?

Virus Invasion~

It is one down with the stomach flu virus…

With the other two down with the flu virus…

Now…with the situation physically difficult enough as it already is…the best scenario after this could only be that it remains to be a one-to-one - keeping to one (the same existing one) virus to each one…& then hopefully soon…it'll be all a zero-to-one…

Any other scenario would not be welcomed~

Paralyzing Pain~

This paralyzing pain…this excruciating pain…this debilitating pain…

It's this pain that I know so well…inside out now…this cursed pain…

Declared to be medically incurable by the top professionals in the field…& with no medication…no therapy…no way to relieve even the symptoms & the pain itself…

Reality has it that this very pain that had driven me to the depths of utter despair & hopelessness back then is in actuality still sticking around to torment me till this day…


… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Yes I may be paralyzed in my flesh…feel like shit…& may not be able to function…

But no I'm no longer seeped in despair~

& it's not that I'm used to it already…for there's no getting used to this kind of pain…

Simply I am…above my circumstances~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Not holding on by my own strength…I am not on my own~


Quote of the Day: If you had never known physical pain in your life, how could you appreciate the nail scarred hands with which Jesus Christ will meet you? -Joni Eareckson Tada