It's The Nightmare~

& now it's Day 7 - Day 7 of living hell…

It's when the body just feels like it's in hell & is trying to pull the mind down with it~

It's a war…& in the centre of it all in my path is at risk of being collateral damage…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Thankful that I'm not on my own to endure all this by my own strength…but physically crippling torture is still living hell~

家中无有 无需有~

家中无有。。。
柴 米 油 盐 酱 醋 茶~

家中无有。。。
猜 迷 忧 掩 僵 粗 差~

无猜忌。。。
无迷惑。。。
无忧虑。。。
无掩饰。。。
无僵持。。。
无粗暴。。。
无差评。。。

无有。。。无有。。。也无需有~

Paralyzing Pain~

This paralyzing pain…this excruciating pain…this debilitating pain…

It's this pain that I know so well…inside out now…this cursed pain…

Declared to be medically incurable by the top professionals in the field…& with no medication…no therapy…no way to relieve even the symptoms & the pain itself…

Reality has it that this very pain that had driven me to the depths of utter despair & hopelessness back then is in actuality still sticking around to torment me till this day…


… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Yes I may be paralyzed in my flesh…feel like shit…& may not be able to function…

But no I'm no longer seeped in despair~

& it's not that I'm used to it already…for there's no getting used to this kind of pain…

Simply I am…above my circumstances~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Not holding on by my own strength…I am not on my own~


Quote of the Day: If you had never known physical pain in your life, how could you appreciate the nail scarred hands with which Jesus Christ will meet you? -Joni Eareckson Tada

Enemy Under-estimated~

Its core forces are still strong~

How is it that it has reserves?!

It's obvious now that I have still under-estimated it - its insistence…its persistence…its determination & its perseverance in its pursuit to fulfill its mission of dealing me the stabbing blows of physical torment…intense torture of the flesh…for it's the purpose of its very existence after all…until the very last of its remnant forces are eliminated…

& now I really cannot imagine when that will be…
Like just how long more…am I to endure all this…

In the first place this war has gone on for so damned long it's almost hard to believe~

I'm in pain…& I'm exhausted…

不担心 是安心~

不担心 并不代表 不关心。。。
不担心 并不代表 不留心。。。
不担心 并不代表 不上心。。。
不担心 并不代表 不尽心。。。
不担心 并不代表 不真心~

不担心 确实代表 不焦心。。。
不担心 确实代表 不烦心。。。
不担心 确实代表 不忧心。。。
不担心 确实代表 不揪心 。。。
不担心 确实代表 不失心~

Of Truth~

They ask:

Who cares? Is it even a need for living in our world today?

They think:

There's no easy way to verify whether it is or not anyway~

They say:

Well it is okay to live in a lie if it is happier to live this way~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

So they abandon the idea to seek truth…choosing to survive on opinions on display~

It Could Be Tomorrow~

Every new day could be the day of its end…

So…if it is not today…it could be tomorrow~

As the severity of pain for each day differs…

Sometimes to the point of being intolerable…

Waiting itself is a constantly exhausting trial…

A difficulty at a scale honestly inexpressible…

Yet day after day…there is hope I can carry…

That even if not today…it could be tomorrow~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

It has taken me years now but how I have learned the difference…in having to live waiting without hope & waiting with~


Quote of the Day: Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. -Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

Crumble Not~

At the heated moment of battle…

Under the flare of severe pain…

To hear that the end is coming…

Opens up my eyes to re-focus…

Not on the affliction any longer…

But on the deliverance to come~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

I believe the war is ending…the end is coming~


Song of the Day: Praise You In This Storm - Casting Crowns
```And though my heart is torn…I will praise You in this storm```

Quote of the Day: Suffering is unbearable if you aren’t certain that God is for you and with you. -Tim Keller

To Fly By Faith~

They who do not believe will pour out their doubt…

They who do not concur will pour out their sneers…

They who do not seek will pour out their sarcasm…

They who do not question will pour out their fears…

They who do not care will pour out their silences…

They who do not waver will pour out their cheers…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

It will be…& still be…if…& when…& till…they see~


Song of the Day: Until the Whole World Hears - Casting Crowns
```Until the whole world hears Lord we are calling out…
```Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound…
```Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out…
```As the day draws near…
```We'll sing until the whole world hears```

Quote of the Day: God will meet you where you are in order to take you where He wants you to go. -Tony Evans

He Who Is My All~

He who knows me best…

He who loves me most…

He who grants me rest…

He who holds me close…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

He in whose name alone...I boast~


Song of the Day: I Will Boast In Christ - Hillsong Worship
```I will boast…in Christ alone…
```His righteousness…
```And not my own…
```I will cling…to Christ my hope…
```His mercy reigns…
```Now and forever```

Its New Reality~

Even though it continues to weaken me physically…hinder me functionally…

It can already no longer overpower me mentally…manipulate me internally…

Even though it continues to limit me practically…challenge me emotionally…

It can already no longer define me personally…enslave me psychologically…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Even as it remains to be as real & as difficult a reality…pain shall no longer take away what truly matters to me~


Song of the Day: For The Cause - Keith and Kristyn Getty
```Let it be my life's refrain: to live is Christ…to die is gain```

Quote of the Day: You don’t really know Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have. -Tim Keller

How Before When~

When "when" & "how" are both unknowns…"when" seems more pressing a question?

But honestly…it's harder to imagine "when" when it's already hard to imagine "how"~

Thankfully…I now know that not knowing is not the big deal as it is made out to be…

So instead of trying to imagine "when" or "how"…I'll simply do all as I'm led to…now~


Quote of the Day: I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse. -Philip Yancey

This Is The Year~

I understand now: This year…is a year of breakthrough~

The year of 2016 was a year of repentance & surrender~
The year of 2017 was a year of revival & transformation~

But this year of 2018 is a year…a year of breakthrough…


Song of the Day: This Is Amazing Grace - Phil Wickham
```This is amazing grace…
```This is unfailing love…
```That You would take my place…
```That You would bear my cross…
```You laid down Your life…
```That I would be set free…
```Oh…Jesus I sing for…
```All that You've done for me```

Quote of the Day: Nothing is too great and nothing is too small to commit into the hands of the Lord. -A.W. Pink

不再是，不再有~

一生的担惊受怕。。。提心吊胆。。。

一心的优柔寡断。。。犹豫不决。。。

一律的自暴自弃。。。自欺欺人。。。

一直的傻里傻气。。。冥顽不灵。。。

真有安，是自由~

需要的。。。会都有。。。

有的都。。。已足够。。。

一丁点。。。都不缺。。。

忧虑都。。。无需有。。。

免误读 免不了~

就算我心被他人误解。。。

就算我意被他人误会。。。

就算我友被他人误导。。。

就算我为被他人误判。。。


只重我灵中心安依在~

情愿放掉~

不是我要。。。还是我不要~

我要不要。。。根本不重要~

若为我好。。。我必定得到~

若不如此。。。就是不需要~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

是有是无。。。都一样是好~

The Final Attempt?

To maintain its footing~

To give its finest shot~

To smack its hardest~

To rain down its worst~

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Assuredly my flesh is weak still…but my faith no longer~


Song of the Day: Song of the Day: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) - Hillsong United
```When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace```

Quote of the Day: I would rather trust in the living God than in any other power on earth. -John Taylor

The Bright Signals~

Hard to miss…

Difficult to reject…

Impossible to ignore…

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

& obviously uncomfortable…to receive…


Piece of the Day: 僕らはみんな大人げない - Akito Matsuda 松田 彬人

Quote of the Day: We have about 100 million cells interconnected in our brains. They communicate with one another through electrical signals. -Miguel Nicolelis

不必再试~

持久真实的希望。。。不是从人身上得取的。。。

持久真实的心安。。。不是从事物上得取的。。。

持久真实的喜乐。。。不是从物质上得取的。。。

持久真实的保障。。。不是从成就上得取的。。。

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

持久真实的自制。。。不是从智慧上得取的。。。


Song of the Day: 除祢以外 - 梁小冰