(This entry was shifted from 31/04/2006 Sunday to 07/05/2006 Sunday due to a slight miscalculation of the number of my blog entries…content unchanged~)
To celebrate my 100th blog entry anniversary…thinx I'll display my newly compiled set of works~ Once again…I'm only the compiler…& all the authors are unknown…haha & this post is solely for entertainment & enlightenment purposes k~!!!
The Problem With Women~
If you TREAT her nicely, she says you are IN LOVE with her;
If you Don't, she says u are DAO.
If you DRESS nicely, she says you are trying to act SHUAI;
If you Don't, she says you are UGLY.
If you ARGUE with her, she says you are STUBBORN;
If you keep QUIET, she says you have no BRAINS.
If you are SMARTER than her, she will force you to let her WIN;
If she's Smarter than you, she will HAOLIAN.
If you don't LOVE her, she tries to POSSESS u;
If you LOVE her, she will try to LEAVE you.
If you don't KISS her, she says you don't Love her;
If you KISS her, she will try to avoid.
If you tell her your PROBLEM, she says you are TROUBLESOME;
If you don't, she says that you don't TRUST her.
If you SCOLD her, you are like a FATHER to her;
If she SCOLDS you, it is because she CARES for you.
If you BREAK your PROMISE, u cannot be TRUSTED;
If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.
If you SMOKE, you are a BAD BOY;
If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLELADY.
If you do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;
If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If you HURT her, you are CRUEL;
If she HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE.
Words Women Use~
FINE~
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks as this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES~
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING~
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD~ (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD~ (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH~
This is not actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why is she wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH~
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
OH~
This word followed by any statement is trouble. If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine"when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead".
THAT'S OKAY~
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".
PLEASE DO~
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS~
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT~
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing."
Why Women Cry~
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God replied:
"When I made the woman, she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
Song of the Day: Natural Woman - Kelly Clarkson (AI: 23/07/2002)
Quote of the Day: God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before creating a masterpiece. -unknown
